After a very long day yesterday, full of complications and unknowns I was tired and just felt off all day. The bad seemed to outweigh the good, nothing seriously bad but a lot of little things just seemed to add up all on the same day. I’m pretty positive most of the time, but yesterday was just a meh day.
This morning I woke up, made coffee, and felt good again. Like I had a blank slate and could fight through the small problems, and make good things happen again. It’s a good reminder that even though we all have those days that every day is different and I’m grateful for each day that I have here.
Growing up I had an older brother, Troy. He was three years older than me and he was my world. I looked up to him, he was cool, and I wanted to be like him. Being his bratty little sister I followed him around and was always trying to hang around with him and his friends. I grew up a tomboy and we played outside a lot. I also have fond memories of playing Nintendo NES in his room. Still to this day because of him I have a huge love of the Legend of Zelda game and still play it now and then. It takes me back to when we were young and I still miss that, and him.
When he was nineteen, he passed away from suicide. I was sixteen and a junior in high school. It shocked my world and everyone around him. It took me over a decade to forgive myself and let go of the guilt. The day he died I was the one who found him and from that day I was changed forever. Today it has been almost twenty-five years since he passed away. It feels like a lifetime ago.
Through all the grief and struggle, In the long run, has made me a stronger person. Going through this experience has made me see the world differently. It has shaken and humbled me in so many ways. I try to share the love of what I do with everyone because you never know what people are going through. How their world is.
So today I am grateful. Even for all the silly, yet at the time seem bigger problems that may arise, we are meant for better things. Helping people, building community, and giving kindness and love as much as we can.
Until next time~J