Stillness

Took a drive up to Kansas to remember an old friend of long ago. The church was filled with so many who’s lives were touched by this person. We all shared in love, laughter, and tears during the service.

Good times and lovely memories were shared and it took me back to when I knew this person from my childhood. I remember him always being the caring one, telling jokes, and being so genuine. He touched a lot of lives and that love was present in all who came to say goodbye.

I know this man growing up from when I was a little girl through primary school and middle school. His wife worked with my father. His two boys were childhood friends. Even the pastor that did the service was also a dear friend from back then, now almost 30 years ago.

Looking back and being around this little group of people that touched my life so briefly has me wanting more. I miss that essence from when I was young. The love I felt being around all of them again is something I miss dearly. The family I had lost touch with, was all there together mourning for a loved one.

During the service my friend talked about stillness. Stillness to stop, stand still, take a moment, take a breath. We’re so busy that I don’t often take the second for myself these days. I realized it’s so important to do so more often than not.

Today we all came together to remember a wonderful man who had touched so many. I leave feeling more loved and reconnected with a family I had lost so long ago.

So today I reflect, I remember, I greive, and I cherish it all.

Until next time~J

Grateful

After a very long day yesterday, full of complications and unknowns I was tired and just felt off all day. The bad seemed to outweigh the good, nothing seriously bad but a lot of little things just seemed to add up all on the same day. I’m pretty positive most of the time, but yesterday was just a meh day.

This morning I woke up, made coffee, and felt good again. Like I had a blank slate and could fight through the small problems, and make good things happen again. It’s a good reminder that even though we all have those days that every day is different and I’m grateful for each day that I have here.

Growing up I had an older brother, Troy. He was three years older than me and he was my world. I looked up to him, he was cool, and I wanted to be like him. Being his bratty little sister I followed him around and was always trying to hang around with him and his friends. I grew up a tomboy and we played outside a lot. I also have fond memories of playing Nintendo NES in his room. Still to this day because of him I have a huge love of the Legend of Zelda game and still play it now and then. It takes me back to when we were young and I still miss that, and him.

When he was nineteen, he passed away from suicide. I was sixteen and a junior in high school. It shocked my world and everyone around him. It took me over a decade to forgive myself and let go of the guilt. The day he died I was the one who found him and from that day I was changed forever. Today it has been almost twenty-five years since he passed away. It feels like a lifetime ago.

Through all the grief and struggle, In the long run, has made me a stronger person. Going through this experience has made me see the world differently. It has shaken and humbled me in so many ways. I try to share the love of what I do with everyone because you never know what people are going through. How their world is.

So today I am grateful. Even for all the silly, yet at the time seem bigger problems that may arise, we are meant for better things. Helping people, building community, and giving kindness and love as much as we can.

Until next time~J